CREATIVE NON-FICTION | As I learn and grow by Jyotsna


You have defied all convention. Defied logic and defied life. Something that I have not been able to accomplish in all my years.
You have fought death, a journey that was so challenging that I remember each day and each moment of it still. And it has been over 5 years now.
A journey that saw my growth as an individual, as a mother and as a woman. And I learnt to take on the role of a special mother.
And a journey that saw you play the role of my teacher without your knowledge. Such a precious learning it has been my wise one. And such a precious teacher you have been. You have taught me to gain a sense of self and to go beyond prejudices. And that was just the beginning. My learning continues each day.

You are now at 5 years, taking your unsupported steps all over our home, sometimes trotting, sometimes tripping, picking yourself up easily and chuckling at your own antics. And that this has happened even after your orthopaedic surgeon had told us that you would never be able to walk without support ever.

Sweet joy it is to see you relish every bit of your freedom. Sweeter joy it is for me to have had the privilege to witness your growth through so many stages…each step a challenge, each achievement similar to the scaling of a mountain peak, each experience a miracle.

As parents we learnt to surrender. Every decision we have had to take for you has involved ‘surrendering’. Such an easy word it seems,’ surrender’ but practicing it took immense awareness, faith and absolute trust.
And your education.  Just today we were told by your school that they did not wish to take the responsibility of helping you realize your full potential. And that it was a major risk. Lots of reasons and plenty of rationalizing. We have been asked to look for an alternative school for you. Very often we tend to see things as we see them, so much so that the reality is totally distorted. I witnessed it at your school today.

It broke my heart and I felt exactly like what I had felt on November 1st 2001 when your doctor first told me you would not survive your congenital heart defect. I never thought I would feel this helpless again. The anger is not there, the disappointment is. And the knowledge that I have handled this kind of helplessness before.

I also understood what a positive attitude can do amidst all the chaos that one undergoes in such situations. Right there and then as the school expressed their decision to us about their inability to have you as their student, I knew then that as your mother, I had a bigger role to play for you and in your growth. To be able to help you in your journey of realizing your potential to the fullest however long it might take.
To help you to learn how to think, how to learn, when not to think and when not to learn, to be in harmony and develop a tremendous sense of self and independence. I hope to be able to show you the way.

A new journey begins for me through this setback. Perhaps it was time for me to move out of my comfort zone. Perhaps, I saw it coming.  Perhaps, it was a passage of self growth for me to stop worrying about outcomes and the future.
My leap in faith .


You turn 18 this year. And am grateful for that leap of faith I took over 13 years ago.
I glimpse this young adult with her inner child glowing within.
With this desire to take on the world.
You have crossed so many barriers- chosen to study on your own, found joy in playing drums and uninhibitedly and joyously enjoy dancing and singing those Bollywood numbers that I turn my nose up at. Each leap of faith I have taken for myself I have seen reflected in you, in your journey from childhood to adulthood.

What is amazing about taking a leap of faith is not how you take it and when you take it but where it takes you...
The journey is achingly beautiful and memorable.

About the Writer :
Jyotsna is an ardent cat lover, blogger and has a weakness for crime thrillers (books and TV alike). Sometimes, she decides to step out of the house for fresh air.


Comments

  1. You are an inspiration..this is so beautifully written!

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    1. Thankyou for reading and commenting :-)

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  2. Beautiful and so honest. So vulnerable. Cannot believe 6 year old Diti is 18 today! Wow! She is always that child to me till date...Much love and Hugs! You all are a great family.

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  3. Hi Jyotsna amazing resilience and strength. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Not only is Anandita a special girl.. a true gift.. even today I keep repeating her comments on various normal day to day activities.. she was a tiny girl then, but had such a different perspective too.. she saw things things so differently, and I really marvelled at her reaction to it. Jyothi..The strength you have shown not only as a mother, but also as a daughter is something I have no words to describe . A big clap and a bow to you . When God closes one door he opens another, and I am sure he will show you something that Anandita will enjoy doing even more now. May God be with you always.

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  5. This is me Bernadine .. Don't know why it came as unknown tho !!

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    1. Thankyou Bernadine for reading and commenting :-)

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