POETRY : Warrior Within by Akila
I remember the day I saw those two pink lines;
Registering the fact that you are going to be my lifeline.
I remember the day I saw you in hues of black and white;
Being unaware that I would’ve to fight for you with all my might.
I remember the day I broke THE NEWS to kith and kin;
Not knowing if I will bury some dark memories deep within.
I remember the day I was beaten black and blue;
Now, how to get up, cook and feed us- I had no clue!
I remember the day I was thrashed with a belt;
But all I cared was how you would’ve felt.
I remember the day when I suffered blows on my head;
Only praying that you shouldn’t be dead.
I remember the days when I read out bedtime stories;
Mustering every ounce of energy to create some positive womb memories.
I remember the days I shivered in fear__
Fear after fear, that never allowed me to call the cops my dear.
I remember the days I longed for a good baby shower;
All I could do though was cry to you in my daily shower.
I remember the day I was in labor,
Seeing you hale and healthy was a moment to savour;
Oh! I definitely felt like a warrior,
Although on second thoughts I felt maybe I was just your carrier.
I remember a lot of things I do not wish to remember,
Still, what I always wish to remember, my dear daughter-
Is that I will always be a SURVIVOR;
And you my sweetheart, will always be my WARRIOR!!!
Whenever I see the Rani of Jhansi's picture, I remember the days of my pregnancy. Days which should ideally be spent with utmost happiness and peace for a woman ended up being a period of nightmares for me due to Domestic Violence. While the Rani had fought with her child behind her, I can say I fought for my child housed in my anterior bump. My pregnancy was spent in trying to save my daughter in my womb. Seeing a happy or even a child that was alive was once a far-fetched dream for me.
However, today when we are in our own happy and safe space, I look at my daughter and all that I see is the kind of grit, resilience and bravery she embodied at the warfront of my womb. People do call me strong and brave for surviving, but I strongly believe that she chose to see this world no matter what!
I value grit and resilience as very important life values and I feel so proud when I realize that she possessed this. Whenever I spiral into the anxious feelings of what the future holds for us, it is these qualities in her that help me calm down. The warrior within makes both of us strong.
She will forever be my WARRIOR PRINCESS!
About the poet
Akila is passionate about a lot of art forms. She blogs about her postpartum fitness journey, motherhood and time management. She lived in the US where she underwent domestic violence and moved back to India to restart a safer and happier life. She hopes to share her story someday to a wider audience so that it can create more awareness about abuse and survivors find their inner strength.